Chicken Soup for Arty's Soul
by Moonlite Knight
Summary: Artemis falls ill and loses his voice. And if that wasn't bad enough, Holly drops by for an unexpected visit. Poor Artemis. COMPLETE. Slight AxH.


_**Being sick stinks. :( And if I have to suffer, then Artemis has to suffer too. Don't argue with the logic of an ill authoress :P **_

_**Points to note about this fic: There is slight AxH! But nothing more than is featured in the books, and a lot less than was shown in TTP, so no worries ^^ But, still, fair warning. Also, I think everyone's a bit OOC in this. I'm not sure, cold medicine (and tea) was clouding my senses, particularly for the bottom half of this. Again, fair warning. **_

_Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Artemis Fowl and co. But I do own a lovely cold, want it? Please? _

Chicken Soup for Arty's Soul

It wasn't that Artemis Fowl never got sick, no, his immune system was not so powerful as to drive away every bacteria that came its way. It was the fact that it took him until well past noon to realize that his voice was gone was what annoyed him so dearly.

He had awoken that day, a bit light headed and oddly cold, but nonetheless, well enough to get out of bed, prepare for the day (making sure to don an extra sweater), and head downstairs for breakfast. He'd sneezed a few times throughout the entire process, but that could easily have been a result of the dust that was shaken up as the twins attempted to "clean the housie". The faint tickling sensation in this throat did not necessarily mean he was ill; it could very easily have been a result of not consuming enough liquids the night before.

All in all, Artemis Fowl somehow managed to overlook that fact that he had caught a common cold. Terrific. He couldn't even blame this overlook on anyone else since he had spent the entire morning working in his room, after grabbing a muffin from the kitchen and leaving before his mother drank enough coffee to fully awaken and force him to sit and eat a proper breakfast.

But if there was one thing that was the most embarrassing of all, it was that he probably would not have even realized that he was ill, judging by how he had already managed to overlook such vital details, if Butler had not come upstairs at half past noon to tell him that it was time for lunch. He had absently replied, telling Butler to inform his mother that he would be down later and continued working, sparing no other thought about that. But then Butler repeated his message and he hit the wrong key on his keyboard. Artemis repeated himself slightly more irately as he corrected the error. Still Butler refused to listen and asked again, which was odd enough for Artemis to turn around and face Butler before telling him to _'Go away'. _

It was just as Butler's eyes widened that Artemis realized that his mouth was moving, but there was no sound coming out. Oh joy.

And that was why he was currently, forcibly, tucked into bed, waiting for Juliet to cook him chicken soup, and listening to Butler's attempts to contact the family doctor, who was currently out of the country, and his parents, who had taken the twins to a park, in Paris.

If it weren't such a demeaning act, Artemis would have rolled his eyes at the fuss the two Butlers were making. Really, he simply had a minor cold. Granted, he had lost his voice as a result, but it wasn't as though he had some life threatening disease. Or so he told himself as he attempted and failed to hold back a violent sneeze that made the room spin illogically.

When did we start living on a ship?He thought hazily, before regaining control of his thoughts and flushing. Being ill did not give him the right to act any less proudly than he normally would. No it did not…wow, the lights were so shiny…focus!

"Artemis, do you have a fever?" Butler asked, seeing Artemis's red face and immediately hanging up on an irritatingly unhelpful receptionist. He put a huge, calloused hand over the boy's pale, smooth forehead. "You do seem a little hot…"

Artemis crossly shook the hand away, frowning at his overprotective bodyguard. No, he did not have a fever on top of an unusable voice, thank you very much.

"Where did Juliet put the thermometer?" Butler said, mainly to himself, as he shifted though the medical bag Mrs. Fowl made sure was always kept well stocked and up to date in the manor.

Artemis narrowed his eyes. He was not going to let Butler stick a piece of glass that had been who knows where into his mouth when he quite clearly did not have a fever.

"Say ah," Butler said, and Artemis opened his mouth out of reflex and the thermometer was in before his mind caught up with his body.

The ill genius glared up at the ceiling. Darn it, what was wrong with his mind? Why was it so hard to focus, to pay attention?

He barely noticed it when his bodyguard freed his mouth from the offending thermometer and peered at it. He briefly considered the idea that he truly was ill with something more than a common cold, before discarding it as unfeasible. No Fowl ever allowed themselves to become seriously ill. They had access to just about every treatment available for a number of illnesses, and even more contact to ways to prevent from falling ill in the first place.

Artemis Fowl was _not _ill.

Now if only he could convince his body as easy as he convinced his mind. Artemis sneezed again, and the room swam in and out of focus.

"No fever," Butler announced, the tiniest bit relieved by that discovery.

An Artemis with a cold was almost more than he could handle. An Artemis with a cold _and_ fever would probably send him retreating to his own bed, to hide until the entire thing was over. He was a bodyguard, not a nursemaid. Despite all of his first aid training, he was at a loss of what to do. He had not learned of what to do about common colds, other than to call a doctor and to make sure the one that showed up was the real one and not some imposter.

"Chicken soup for Arty's soul," Juliet announced coming into the room with a tray upon which a bowl of hot soup and a glass of water were placed. "Careful, it's hot."

Artemis sent her a glare. Oh, really? How could he not tell, it wasn't as if he _could not_ _see the steam rising from the bowl_.

Juliet gave a small smile at his response. "Sorry, that was a bit obvious." She admitted, placing the tray onto the bedside table. She turned her attention to her elder brother. "What's the verdict?"

"No fever," he replied, talking directly to Juliet. He did not notice his principle's displeasure at being ignored. "Sneezing, coughing, runny nose, possible sinus infection, easily aggravated, and flushed skin. And he can't talk."

"In short, he has a fabulous cold," Juliet stated exasperated. "Really, Artemis. Wasn't a common cold good enough for you? Though, I suppose a genius does have to get an extra special cold."

Artemis was spared from answering her, not that he really could as he was unable to speak, by a knock on the door. Caught off guard, they could only freeze in surprise. Aside from the three of them, no one else was home. No one _should _be home, and it was not possible for the senior Fowls and their twin offspring to return in such short notice.

Butler recovered first. He positioned himself between Artemis and the door while drawing his revolver and training it on the door. He motioned for Juliet to open the door, which she did, balancing on the soles of her foot, ready to attack. Artemis merely stared with glazed eyes at his window, apparently under the belief that that was the door.

Juliet flung the door open, ready to smash in the face of the person on the other side if they appeared even a little threatening, only to blink in surprise. There was no one there. Then she looked down.

One Holly Short stood there, looking a bit bemused at the reception that she had received.

"Is this how all Mudmen greet their visitors?" she asked, eyeing the revolver that had been aimed straight at her head just seconds before. "Or am I just fortunate?"

Juliet let out a relieved laugh and moved aside to let Holly into the room as Butler put away the revolver.

"If you'd told us you were coming before hand, fairy girl," Juliet teased, grinning. "You wouldn't have been given the Butler Special Greeting."

Holly frowned, choosing to overlook the nickname. "I did," she argued. "I told Artemis I would be stopping by today."

Everyone turned to look at the young genius who had shaken off his previous temporary disorientation and was now glaring at Holly in response. Holly raised her eyebrows when she saw that he was tucked into bed.

"Isn't it past time for you to be lazing about in bed, Artemis?" she asked, inwardly trying to recall exactly when humans woke up.

She was quite sure that most were out and about, wreaking havoc on the earth by the time the sun reached its highest point in the sky. Though Foaly had once mentioned that teenage Mudmen often stayed in bed until well past noon, but Artemis, unfortunately for the fairies, had never been the type to laze about. She knew that all too well.

She was too focused to notice the sudden mischievous gleam in Juliet's eyes, but Butler and Artemis did not miss it. Artemis frantically moved his lips soundlessly, trying to stop the girl while Butler stood by, torn between amusement and duty.

"Actually," Juliet started, smirking. "Arty is sick…"

Holly's eyes widened and she looked closer at the young genius. He did seem paler than usual, which was saying something since the boy was already abnormally pale, even by Mudmen standards. Spending all day indoors, away from the sun, did not help one's complexion, though Artemis seemed to have yet to realize that. Or, more likely, he simply did not care.

"…And he's lost his voice." Juliet finished with a flourish.

Holly blinked. Juliet grinned widely. Butler covered his face with a huge hand, his shaking shoulders betraying his amusement. And Artemis attempted to bury himself deeper into his bed.

"Lost his voice?" Holly echoed, her lips twitching upwards slightly. "As in, he can't speak?"

"Not a single word," Juliet confirmed happily.

"Really?" Holly asked, biting her bottom lip to keep from smiling. She turned towards the ill genius, who glared at her. Apparently, he did not appreciate others finding humor in his misery. "You really can't speak, _Arty_?"

The boy's glare darkened tenfold. Holly's grin widened in response.

Now, Holly was not a cruel person; it simply was not in her nature to laugh at other's misfortunes. But for Artemis, she was more than willing to make an exception. After all, it wasn't everyday that she could saying anything she wished in the former criminal mastermind's presence and get away with it. And she was not going to let this chance pass by, no way. She'd rather single handedly attempt to put every goblin in Haven behind bars than not take advantage of this situation. Besides, Artemis was just sick, and humans fell ill all the time didn't they? It was nothing serious.

"How did you get inside, Holly?" Butler interrupted, deciding to attempt a rescue by distracting the fairy's attention from Artemis.

"Through the front door," Holly replied, aware of what Butler was doing, but going along with it. For the time being anyway. "And Artemis invited me to visit anytime I wanted, so the 'no permission, no entry' rule was no issue."

"The front door?" Butler repeated, his brow furrowing slightly. "I hope that the door is still intact?"

"Of course," Holly said with an impish smile. "I used my key."

All of the humans in the room blinked at the unexpected response.

"Where did you get a key?" Juliet asked curiously, voicing the question on everyone's lips.

"I found one on Arty's desk a while ago, and made a copy, just in case." The former LEP officer replied cheerfully, waiting for Artemis's response. She was not disappointed.

Artemis gaped at her soundlessly, completely caught off guard. He vaguely remembered losing that key, but he had assumed, after hours of fruitless searching before finally finding it under the bed, that the twins had taken misplaced it; they were at the age where they believed that everything that their older brother so much as touched had to belong to them as well. It had never occurred to him that _Holly_ had been the reason he had lost it.

But why was she telling him now? He opened his mouth to object, and remembered that he could not speak. Oh, so that's why.

Juliet, however, still had complete control over her voice box and exercised it by laughing. Her elder brother had a hard time not following her example. Neither was too upset at what the fairy had done, they were sure that Artemis would have given her a key himself, sooner or later, and if Holly had simply speed things up by taking the key on her own, who were they to complain? Besides, the expression on Artemis's face was just too…amusing.

"You don't mind do you, Arty?" Holly asked, innocently, ignoring the glare which informed her that the genius did mind, very much in fact. "Great, I knew you wouldn't."

Artemis resisted the urge to bang his head on something, he was sure it would do nothing to help his growing headache. Why, out of all three hundred sixty five days in the year, did Holly have to come for a visit on the one day that he had lost his voice? If he had been as paranoid as Foaly, he would have suspected that this whole thing had been planned.

In an effort to distract himself from the mounting urge to render himself unconscious in order to escape this torture, Artemis focused on the bowl of chicken soup which had cooled to a bearable temperature. He opened his mouth and put a spoonful of the warm liquid in his mouth, and swallowed, relishing at how it soothed his aching throat. And then he sneezed.

"Careful," Butler cautioned, steadying the bowl, before it tipped over onto the ill boy's lap. He got an embarrassed glare in return for his efforts. Artemis seemed to be glaring quite a bit today; colds did not mix well with his tolerance level it seemed.

"What's wrong with him?" Holly asked, stubbornly ignoring the worry that appeared when Artemis had sneezed. There was no way that she was going to let concern ruin her fun, but that sneeze had been quite loud…

"He just has a cold," Juliet told her. "An extra special cold, though. We've called the doctor who said he'd be here in a day or two, so we've just got to take care of him until them. Shouldn't be that hard, you just feed a cold and starve a fever right?"

Holly gave her a bewildered look. Fairies did not get colds, it was a human illness, but even to Holly's ears, that sounded like a decidedly odd way to treat an illness.

"That's a myth, Juliet," Butler told her, rubbing his temples. "We just need to keep Artemis hydrated and in bed until the doctor or Mr. and Mrs. Fowl get here."

"Don't you have any medicine to give him?" Holly asked, remembering how Foaly had complained once about how Mudmen had tablets and pills for just about everything, even symptoms that didn't exist.

"Arty's paranoid," Juliet intervened before her brother could say anything. "He won't take anything unless it's been approved and prescribed by a doctor."

Artemis couldn't decide who to aim his glare at, so he simply glowered at the whole room in general. Just because he could not participate in the conversation did not give everyone the right to ignore him and then talk about him!

"You're almost as paranoid as Foaly," Holly said to him with an annoying smile on her face. Ooh, this was so much fun.

He took another sip of his soup in reply, pretending to have not heard her. If the only time his presence was going to be acknowledged was when he was being ribbed, then he'd much rather be ignored. He blinked as that thought processed. Okay…he really was ill if he had just admitted that he _wanted_ to be ignored.

"Why did you come here anyway?" Juliet asked suddenly, turning to the fairy.

"Just visiting my favorite Mudman," Holly replied, offhandedly. In truth, she had come in order to ask Artemis for help with her latest case, a complex one involving an empty room, an illegally imported cactus, and tight-lipped sources, but an ill Artemis fowl was much more interesting at the moment. Besides, he probably wouldn't even be able to help in his current condition.

"Holly," Butler started, an idea occurring to him as he handed Artemis a tissue. "Can you perhaps heal Artemis?"

His voice faded to a halt as Holly shook her head.

"I'll probably make things worse," she admitted, leaning against the wall opposite Artemis. "His immune system might not take too kindly to my magic, and even if I do manage dispel the right bacteria, he'll be more susceptible to other threatening illnesses."

"Alright," Butler said with a sigh. So much for the easy way out.

Artemis ignored the conversation since the room had resumed its illogical swimming, and blew his nose into the tissue. It was only after he heard the badly muffled laughter of Butler, and Holly and Juliet's outright guffaws, did he realize that noise had been quite loud.

Wonderful, just what he needed, more embarrassment. He briefly contemplated throwing the used tissue at the two females but decided against it. The tissue was far too light to get every far, and it was a very ungentlemanly thing to do, not matter how much satisfaction he would gain from doing it. But that did not mean he was going to let them, particularly Holly get away with everything. An idea began to form in his mind.

"Man, Arty, that was _loud_" Juliet said, once she managed to calm down. "You just put the entire population of elephants to shame."

Holly was not sure what elephants were, but she agreed wholeheartedly. Butler was the only one to notice the brief spark in Artemis's eyes before it was hidden from view. Time for Artemis's revenge.

The first step of his plan was to finish off the soup. Its anti-inflammatory effect seemed to have kicked in; his throat was feeling a little better and his head no longer felt so stuffed, making it easier to focus. Plus, it was delicious.

"What about that soup?" Holly asked, referring to their earlier conversation. "Is it helpful?"

The way the ill boy was eating it so intently had to mean that it had some positive effect. And, Foaly was sure to want a very detailed recap about this later, and he was sure to ask about little details such as that and badger her about it until she found an answer.

"It has some effect on the cold," Butler replied absently, his mind focused on what Artemis was planning.

"Though the best way to get rid of a cold," Juliet added with a smile. "Is to give it to someone else."

"Aren't you both in danger then?" Holly asked.

"Already got it and lived," Juliet replied cheerfully. "Same for big bro."

By this time Artemis had finished his soup. He felt a bit nauseous due to how quickly he had consumed it, but he ignored the feeling. Time enough to be queasy after he got his just desserts.

He got Butler's attention by tapping his spoon on the empty bowl and sneezing. Well, the sneeze had been involuntary, but nonetheless, it captured Butler's attention.

"Would you like more?" Butler asked, picking up the bowl. Artemis caught his eye and nodded. Butler sighed mentally, but blinked once, signifying that he had understood. "Juliet, will you help me in the kitchen?"

"Why?" Juliet asked, just as oblivious as Holly about the exchange between Butler and Artemis.

"Because I have no idea how to make some more soup, and I need to get a new thermometer" Butler lied smoothly. "I want to make sure that Artemis doesn't have a fever. Holly, would you mind staying with Artemis for a few minutes?"

"Sure," Holly agreed readily. She had nothing better to do. Well, actually she did, but this was much more fun.

"I'll be back in five minutes," Butler said, picking up the tray and heading towards the door. "Try not to kill each other in that time period."

"Yes sir." Holly replied as the Butlers exited the room. She turned back towards Artemis who was still glaring at her. "You know, your face will freeze like that if you don't stop."

The genius blinked in surprise, and she grinned.

"Though it won't be make much of a difference," she continued, taking a seat in Butler's vacated chair by Artemis's bed. She poked the furrowed skin between Artemis's eyebrows lightly. "I think those wrinkle's are permanent."

Artemis's stared cross-eyed at the offending finger and Holly got the oddest sensation that the boy was contemplating on biting her finger. Normally Artemis would never do something like that, but he _was_ sick, and she _had_ been teasing him mercilessly for the past several minutes…She snatched the finger back, just in case.

Artemis smirked, and decided to put the rest of his plan in action. He attempted to speak, and found that the soup had comforted his throat to the point that he could make some sort of noise. He still couldn't speak normally, but his plan did not require that.

"What is it?" Holly asked, unconsciously leaning closer to Artemis in order to hear him better. "Don't worry, I'm sure the wrinkles aren't too noticeable in the right light."

Artemis resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her and moved his lips again, soundlessly.

Without thinking, Holly moved closer and Artemis struck.

In one swift move, he leaned up a few inches and kissed Holly, right on her tan cheek. Then he lay back and smirked triumphantly, feeling better than he had all day.

Holly simply gaped at him, stunned by what he had just done. She had _not_ expected that. The small part of her that was not busy being stunned and embarrassed, recalled Juliet's earlier words. The rest of her mind just attempted to grasp what had happened.

And then she sneezed.

The best way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone else after all.

_**The End**_

_**Please review and tell me what you thought. If you didn't like it, please inform me in a polite manner, thanks! **_


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